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In an effort to do my part to keep things entertaining, I thought I would start a thread for my bros to post their favorite jokes, funny pics, or anything that you find just plain humorous. IMO laughter is the most effective form of free therapy for virtually anything that ails you. I try to remind myself at least once a day not to take myself so seriously that I miss out on the lighter side of life. Aside from racist or outright inflammatory remarks, I believe humor can be found in just about everything, so let's see what you've got! I'll start with some of my favorite blonde jokes. Enjoy.
A friend tells her blonde companion, "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde exclaims, "Let's hope it's not the 13th!"
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Two blonde women come across three hand grenades while walking at the park, and they decide to take them to the police station.
The first blonde asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said, "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde replied, "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
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A blonde is in the shower and her husband shouts to her, "Did you find the shampoo?"
She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and mine is all wet!"
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A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells him. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems to be calm right now."
The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
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A blonde finds a package lying on her doorstep. "DO NOT BEND" was stamped on all sides,
so she spent the next 2 hours figuring out how to pick it up.
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A blonde woman is yelling frantically into the phone, "My daughter is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the 911 operator. "No!" she shouts, "this is her mother!"
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A blonde woman was driving home one night, and suddenly she had to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. Soon after a cop pulls her over, so she tells him about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging around."
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A blonde woman's dog has gone missing and she is frantic. Her husband says "You should put an ad in the paper." She thinks that's a good idea and she does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
Trying to decide how to help, her husband asks, "What did you put in the ad?".
The blonde replies, "Here boy!"
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One Friday night a blonde woman is arrested for DWI and thrown into jail. This makes her very depressed. During the rounds, a guard looks into her cell and sees her hanging by her feet with her bed sheet.
"Just what are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"That's supposed to be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," she said with frustration, "but I couldn't breathe."
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A young boy on a dive charter asks the blonde diver next to him, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off the boat?" To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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A young blonde woman has been feeling nauseous for several days, so she decides to see the doctor.
After running all the standard tests, the doctor returns to the exam room and tells the woman, "It looks like you're about 5 or 6 weeks pregnant."
The blonde indignantly replies, "Well, it certainly isn't mine!"
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I know some of these are pretty cheesy, but now is your chance to do better!
A friend tells her blonde companion, "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde exclaims, "Let's hope it's not the 13th!"
------------------------------------
Two blonde women come across three hand grenades while walking at the park, and they decide to take them to the police station.
The first blonde asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said, "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde replied, "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
------------------------------------
A blonde is in the shower and her husband shouts to her, "Did you find the shampoo?"
She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and mine is all wet!"
------------------------------
A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells him. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems to be calm right now."
The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blonde finds a package lying on her doorstep. "DO NOT BEND" was stamped on all sides,
so she spent the next 2 hours figuring out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blonde woman is yelling frantically into the phone, "My daughter is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the 911 operator. "No!" she shouts, "this is her mother!"
------------------------------------
A blonde woman was driving home one night, and suddenly she had to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. Soon after a cop pulls her over, so she tells him about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging around."
------------------------------------
A blonde woman's dog has gone missing and she is frantic. Her husband says "You should put an ad in the paper." She thinks that's a good idea and she does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
Trying to decide how to help, her husband asks, "What did you put in the ad?".
The blonde replies, "Here boy!"
------------------------------------
One Friday night a blonde woman is arrested for DWI and thrown into jail. This makes her very depressed. During the rounds, a guard looks into her cell and sees her hanging by her feet with her bed sheet.
"Just what are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"That's supposed to be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," she said with frustration, "but I couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
A young boy on a dive charter asks the blonde diver next to him, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off the boat?" To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
-------------------------------------
A young blonde woman has been feeling nauseous for several days, so she decides to see the doctor.
After running all the standard tests, the doctor returns to the exam room and tells the woman, "It looks like you're about 5 or 6 weeks pregnant."
The blonde indignantly replies, "Well, it certainly isn't mine!"
------------------------------------
I know some of these are pretty cheesy, but now is your chance to do better!
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