Am I addicted?

[CellTech Member Find all posts View Profile Close CellTech]

I am slowly going into a depression and am planning my third cycle.It's been more than half a year since I've taken anything and I lost some mass.My love life is not going well either.Haven't had a gf in the longest time.I just want to juice myself up,get huge and fuck all the rest.I don't even have the money for a cycle,but I have some left in the bank which I plan to use.I never thought I would reach this level of desperation.I thought that I would do a couple of cycles and be happy with myself,but it just feels like a battle to MAINTAIN what I already have,but I want to IMPROVE!Anyone got in this situation?How did things work out for you?Any tips?

[xamo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close xamo]

You know how people drink themselves to death when something bad happens and they can't handle it? Well that's you but with gear. To ruin yourself on AAS is a bad idea. Get your shit together or think about it hard.

[big lump Member Find all posts View Profile Close big lump]

never been there myself but no others who have just get some juice in you mate and youu will be fine ok pall

[xamo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close xamo]

Dude that is the worst advice I've ever heard. If he's depressive to begin with to play with his hormones is just going to make it worse.

[Big L Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Big L]

I find when im on a good cycle i dont even have time for a girlfriend. All i want to do is eat and workout and workout some more. Maintaining muscle is just as hard or harder as gaining its a fact. To me working out helps clear my mind from everything in life. But i might be mental cause im not happy unless im showing results. Your not the only guy to have this. But dont do anything drastic. This website is like a family when yime gets to tough dont be afraid to ask questions. So get ur next cycle together and think positive

[xamo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close xamo]

What's wrong with all of you ... I don't mean to be an ass but you're giving the wrong advice. Right now he shouldn't be doing gear but see what's wrong with his life and take care of it. Gear will make it harder on him, especially during PCT. He's being depressive as it is, do you want him to get worse? Cause that's what's going to happen.. steroids will be his crack, it'll be awesome then once it's over... you'll see how hard it's going to hit him.

[Big L Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Big L]

I think we will always be cycling for the rest of our lives. Ive come to terms with it. Not many people i know have done a cycle or 2 and. Stopped. Its not crack. Its the foutain of youth

[xamo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close xamo]

To rely on gear to be happy is not a good thing. If you can't control yourself, don't use cause it'll lead to abuse and eventually harm. Depression and gear aren't buddies.

[spark1597 Member Find all posts View Profile Close spark1597]

Looks like what is influencing everything is the way he perceives his body. Sounds like body dismorphia in a sense. He mentions his body, maintaining and depression. What's causing his depression? His unhappiness with his perception of his body.
Just my two cents...
I've personally never experienced this to this level. I think every body builder, or someone who is trying to look better, will always find something that needs improvement...but not to the level of being depressed.
CellTech, by no means an I a psychologist, but I would start by dropping the idea of starting another cycle until you kick this problems ass. You need to look at the root of what is causing this and come up with a plan that does not involved a cycle.

[CellTech Member Find all posts View Profile Close CellTech]

The problem is I am not improving.That's the only problem,and it's been for quite a long time now.I think you guys see it a bit extreme.

The way I see it: "Since my pct I have been trying my best to maintain what I have and I am tired of it.I want to improve more.Once I reach a level which satisfies me,then I can think about maintaining,but now is not that point for me."

I don't get depressive during pct or anything (and I hope I don't in the future).I know that I wont be able to keep everything if I do a cycle again,but I just want to do it,because there's nothing more I am focused on right now than this.All I think about is improving my body and that's my main goal atm. and I feel like I'm wasting time/money/effort when I'm not on gear.I don't see any other solution to my problem for now except another cycle.Do you see anything else?

I would also like to thank you guys for your advice so far.From the time I registered here I knew I was going to stay,because it really feels like family.

[xamo Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close xamo]

Will you ever really be happy with your physiques? I know so many guys that like you aren't satisfied and never will... but it's not because of their body. It's because of their self-confidence and past. This is not going to change the way you feel there will always be something.

Perhaps find other hobbies or put yourself out there... steroids... bodybuilding... they are not end game achievements they can only bring you so far.

As far as maintaining is concerned... you'll never be able to fully maintain your gains that you've gained while on gear... let's face a fact, it doesn't matter how serious you are at the gym... your body isn't designed to naturally take care of so much mass so you'll technically always be on gear if you want to maintain... the question is... do you want to rely on it forever... or do you want to settle for less, ACCEPT YOURSELF just the way you are, and be independent?

[bugse2342 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bugse2342]

I have to agree with Xamo, as far advice on continue to cycle. I had a friend who commited suicide on steriods. Depression is the main factor, but steriods played a role in it. Same exact outlook on accepting himself and his looks. One cycle after another. The problem is, you can't do it forever. Your body won't let you. Then harsh reality is that you have deal with it. Don't bury depression, it will resurface, and you don't want to deal when your the most vunerable.

[MrBig Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MrBig]

xamo and bugse2342, you guys hit it right on the head. Celltech the worse thing you can do is go back on!!!!!! Learn to deal with what and who you are as a person. Be happy with yourself and this will be so much better for you. I'm 49yo and I've been doing this for a long long time and I know that what these guys say is true. Listen we want our good friend (you) to be with us for a long and be happy, so lets fix whats wrong and then you can get back to gear again, if thats what you chose to do.

[ODB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ODB]

also go see ur Doctor u may have other things going on?
Chem imbalance? high Estro? Low T? small penis? - (just fucking with ya on the last 1 celltech - hope I made u laugh.

and for god sake get out and get some Pussy - nothing cheers u up faster.

[RebelBody Member Find all posts View Profile Close RebelBody]

im not an expert or anything. ive only done a couple of cycles but the conclusion ive come to is that: on cycles = gains made, off cycles = losses of gains. that happens up to a certain point. i think you have to come to terms with it. has to be closure. not only from a physiological standpoint but from a psychological one as well. i agree with @xamo, you have to get yourself in control mentally or end up like chris benoit.