Blonde jokes

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Blonde jokes






A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's

A 'peel and win' sticker on her coffee cup.


So she peels it off and starts screaming,

'I've won a motorhome!

I've won a motorhome!'



The waitress says, 'That's impossible.

The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?'



But the blonde keeps on screaming,

'I've won a motorhome!

I've won a motorhome!'



Finally, the manager comes over and says,

'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.

You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome

Because we didn't have that as a prize.



The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake.

I've won a motorhome!'



And she hands the ticket to the

Manager and HE reads...


'W I N A B A G E L'

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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle . . . .



In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.



Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and now she is at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over . . . .

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . .



Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did at Wal-Mart was say Hello!

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Whats the difference between a blonde male and a blonde female???


The blonde female has the higher sperm count.

Jacko

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A Blonde's Year in Review

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight..

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to printlabels.....Helllloooo!!!.......bottle won't fit in printer !!!

March - Got really excited..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6months.....box said '2-4 years!'

April - Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.... .wrong instructions. ...8 cupsof water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing...... .couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition. ....learnedlater, the otherswimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swampedbecause soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hourper pound and I weigh 108!!

December - Couldn't call 911 .... 'duh'..there' s no'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!

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A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

Q: How do you know a blonde likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row.

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: To keep their ankles warm.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology? A: She'll blow your mind, too.

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint? A: It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Q: Why are blondes so easy to get into bed? A: Who cares?

Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? A: Last year's hide-and-go-seek winner.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? A: All you can eat, under a buck.

Q: Did you hear about the conceited blonde? A: She screams her own name when she comes

Q: Why can't blondes count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky.

Q: What happens when you give 61 dollars to a blonde? A: She wants 8 (ate) more.

Q: What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? A: If either one of them end up on there back they are both f*cked.

Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

Q: Why don't blondes like anal sex? A: They don`t like their brains being screwed with.

Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees? A: Come.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period.

Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? A: You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh? A: She wanted a lot of male in her box

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick wall? A: A brick walls only been laid once

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer."

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A: Walks Home

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A: Because she blows the horn!

Q: How can you tell a blonde"s been in your fridge? A: There is lipstick on the cucumber.

Q: How do blondes play Russian Roulette? A: They jack six dicks until one gets a facial.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone? A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men. A: Their heels.

Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store? A: They are both 10 cents a screw!

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme!

Q: Why does a blond whistle when she pees? A: So she knows what lips to whipe!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met. A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails? A: A blowjob with handlebars

Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian? A: A waste.

Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? A: She opens the car door.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? A: By the belt buckle impression on her forehead.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the busty waitress after reading her name tag? A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? A: Her feet!

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common? A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle? A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything? A: Penicillin.

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant.

Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"? A: She liked to be filled with cream.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.

There was a giant cock and a blonde woman on a farm. The cock said to the blonde "Lets have kids." The blonde agreed and ten minutes later the cock found her screwing their goat.

Dirty Blonde One Liners

Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?

Every time I see a brunette I think, "Bitch please. My straightener is hotter than you."

A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend's dandruff problem. The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?" The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

A blonde walked into the dentist office and sat down in the chair. The dentist said "Open Wide" "I can't" The blonde said. "This chair has arms"